The Power of Words.

Neuro Linguistic Programming is something I like to read about. I don't really know a lot about it, but my very rudimentary understanding is basically looking at those that are successful, how they are successful, and applying that to your own life. It's also about coming from the mindset that people are subjective and have their own reality, rather than being objective.

"Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a psychological approach that involves analyzing strategies used by successful individuals and applying them to reach a personal goal. It relates thoughts, language, and patterns of behavior learned through experience to specific outcomes.

Proponents of NLP assume all human action is positive. Therefore, if a plan fails or the unexpected happens, the experience is neither good nor bad—it simply presents more useful information."

Link to source of above definition

How good is that last part?! 'If a plan fails, or something unexpected happens, the experience is neither good nor bad - it simply presents more useful information' (I'd like to explore this more later)

But the part I really want to talk about is the subjective reality. The beauty of subjectiveness is that it can be influenced with alternate information. And that alternate information can come from you!

I've touched on it in a few previous posts 'Controlling the Controllables' and 'Attitude of Gratitude'

By looking at situations with these things in mind, you are subtly changing your own reality. If you repeat to a child several times that they're shy, that's what they decide they are. If you tell yourself you're hungry for ice-cream after eating a KFC Tower Ultimate Burger Meal, you'll definitely be hungry (the type of hunger you feel in your sooouuul). If you tell yourself you're busy, and you have no time for that, then that's what you'll be.

Using the above examples, why don't you try these alternatives on for size?

Instead of describing a child as shy to others, you could reframe it "Sometimes she needs a little bit of time to get used to someone. But, once she does, she can really enjoy interacting. She has a lot to say." How much more empowering for the child!

Instead of deciding you're hungry for ice-cream, offer yourself an apple first. If you don't want the apple, you're probably not hungry which will help you to make a better (more informed) decision.

You're busy? Try 'That's not a priority for me right now' and become comfortable with knowing at different times, there are different priorities.

The best example I can give is being nervous. It's totally normal to be nervous in certain situations. But how can we turn that around? be NEAT.

N - Normalise - It's totally normal to feel this emotion in this circumstance.

E - Expect it - If I'm going for an interview, or competing in something I care about, this is probably the emotion I'm going to feel

A - Accept it. Tell yourself 'and that's ok' (this is an amazing ending to any sentence to relieve anxiety and validate feelings!)

T - Take action - Do whatever you need to do to be in the best position for your performance / interaction.

As well as the NEAT philosophy (which I was introduced to by Jason McKenzie during a referee academy session in 2014) a really handy thing to do is to tune in to your physical feelings. Think of the physical attributes of nervousness:

Can't sleep. Sweaty palms. Butterflies in your stomach. Jittery movements/speech. Hyper alertness.

Now think of the physical attributes of excitement:

Can't sleep. Sweaty palms. Butterflies in your stomach. Jittery movements/speech. Hyper alertness.

What's the difference? The language you have used to describe your feelings. Will you feel excited immediately - probably not (and that's ok!). But the more you 'fake' being excited, the easier things will become until you've totally forgotten that you're meant to only be pretending!

Change your language. Change your life.