The 3 Keys

Usually at the beginning of the year, resolution posts are rife, with people sharing their energy and excitement for the coming year. The possibilities and opportunities are thick in the air, and the unknown is tantalising. Usually I am the same. I set my rugby goals, my home goals, my professional goals, and start working towards these with manageable smaller steps. What a time to be alive! But usual is most definitely out of my vocabulary this year. I'm halfway through my first pregnancy with my body weakened from months of sickness, no refereeing on the horizon, and only 11 weeks left of work - it's an oddly freeing and scary place to be! After some reflection (reflection may have included tears, laughter, hysterical phone calls, and general melancholy. It may have also just been me staring wistfully into the distance whilst tapping a pen - you'll never know!) I have decided to simply ensure that I am living according to the 'three keys' I have uncovered in my short life that have served me well. 1. Control the Controllables

This has become a part of who I am. It is what I always bring myself back to when things feel like they're spiralling, or when I'm feeling lost. There are many many things in life that we personally cannot control, no matter how many tears we shed, conversations we have with ourselves, or how much guilt fills our stomach. Circumstances can often be out of our own control. The actions and reactions of others are most definitely out of our control. It all sounds rather bleak when it's written down, but the exciting thing is the most powerful things are in our control. These being our own emotions and responses to situations. If you choose not to react or respond to something, what happens? Usually whatever the situation is deescalates, fizzes out, or sorts itself out.

2. Remove the word 'should' It's been brought to my attention several times over the years that I am naturally very hard on myself and have very high expectations of what I should be achieving and when. When I am not meeting these goals and milestones it causes a lot of anxiety and upset. I've always brushed off these comments and thought 'clearly they don't know the real me, I'm actually incredibly lazy' and it hasn't been until recently that I've realised that maybe there has been a grain of truth in these observations of others. One way that I've been redirecting myself off the path of high expectations is by removing the word 'should' from my internal monologue. I should be training, I should be renovating, I should be working, I should be helping... the list goes on. I have managed to train myself to reword this as 'need'. What do I need to do now to ensure that I am living a life of satisfaction (not balance - but that's a post for another day)? What action do I need to take? Sometimes the need is training. But not if I'm emotionally and physically spent - then the need is to rest. Sometimes I need to renovate. But not if I'm not achieving a bigger goal, and I'm wasting my time with half-hearted painting that's taking 7 hours instead of one. Sometimes I need to have that difficult conversation with a colleague or loved one, even though I think I should put it off until the time is right. By training myself to think of needs instead of shoulds, I'm controlling the controllables which in turn leads to a greater mental state, and a happier me all round!

3. Everything happens for a reason

For me, this is a big one. I truly believe that we are not given more in life than we can handle. I know there will be so many people who do not agree with this, and again it is only my personal opinions. I believe life's biggest hurdles and hardships are given to the strongest of us. For me, every setback paves the way for something bigger and better. Opportunities present themselves when I am ready. If things don't line up - then it's not the right time for me. This mindset has helped me through some exceptionally hard times, and some amazingly awesome ones - and why it belongs here in 'the three keys'.

If you're reading this - hey, thanks! Nothing gives me more pleasure than others reading and enjoying my work. If you didn't enjoy it - I'm ok with that. If you did, thanks! I'd love you to share with me what your goals are for this year.

#3keys #resolutions